Friday, August 3, 2012

Poopy week :)

Let me start by saying that EVERYthing I'm about to write is the truth. It really did happen. It really, really did. I MENTIONED in an earlier blog about Seth and his tooth. I really need to start at the beginning. Seth has a false front tooth. (Left front to get technical) When he was a teen some kid elbowed him in a basket ball game and Seth lost his tooth. He wears what is called a "flipper." If you could take the roof of your mouth out and have a left front tooth hanging off of it, that is what a flipper looks like. It's really gross. Watching Seth brush his flipper (He has to hold it in his hand) really makes me dread getting old and getting dentures. It's not a turn on, I'll tell ya that. Anyway, this flipper only has the one tooth on it, and is kind of fragile. They are NOT cheap to replace. About 3 months ago Seth bit into some meat and broke the "tooth" part of the flipper off of the "roof of the mouth" part of the flipper. To save money Seth went and bought super glue and put it back together. It's held up for several months!

Sunday afternoon Seth put the flipper down on the nightstand. My dog Kali who has NEVER chewed anything decided it was yummy. I heard her gnawing on something and I assumed it was her bone. After I while I was getting tired of her grinding and I hollered at her to quit. She got up and I saw the "roof" part of the flipper!! I panicked! I ran over there and it was only the roof. No tooth!! I looked everywhere and didn't' see it. So, I found Seth and told him that the dog ate his tooth. He took it pretty well, and we spent the next 20 minutes looking for the tiny white tooth part of the flipper. We didn't find it. It's Sunday afternoon. Seth has to leave on business after church WITH NO TOOTH! We aren't from Arkansas and people around here (or on the business trip he had to go on) aren't really impressed with toothless people. Seth's parting words to me (so romantic, I cherished them all week) were "Watch that dog's poop! I want my tooth back!"

If you read my previous blog you know that I watched her closely and smashed each pile of warm disgutingness until I found it. I carried it on the smashing utensil I was using to my kitchen where I put it into an empty green bean can and filled that can up with soapy, bleach, peroxide, alcohol, febreeze, downy, tide, and scrubbing bubble water, and threw the smashing utensil in the trash. All of this was Monday. I left that tooth in my brew all week. Seth was coming home Thursday. He was SO happy I found his tooth because it was going to take WEEKS to get a new one. Thursday I had Esther and Joanna come over and while they were there I decided to leave them to watch my boys and I'd run a few errands. When I got back Joanna had done all my dishes! She is so sweet. I saw her and Esther out the door and started supper. Then it hit me...THE CAN OF GREEN BEANS WAS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!! I dug through the trash and there it was. NO TOOTH! I called Joanna and asked her what she had done with it. She had dumped it down the drain!!!! I go running across the house to look for plastic gloves. I was hollering "SHOOT, SHOOT SHOOT!" Before I realized Donnie was behind me hollering "Soot, soot, soot, soot" What side of the sink??? She said the left side and I felt a bit better, for a second. That side is my disposal. I couldn't find my gloves. Okay, I don't know if I have mentioned it but I'm a bit of a germ-aphobic. I don't change other people's kids, I don't touch slimy things, I don't put my hands into dirty water and I NEVER EVER EVER EVER put my hand in my disposal. That is like the unholy grail of all things disgusting and slimy. I knew Seth was going to kill me. I lived through WARM dog poop smashing, I guess I could live through this too. I dug in that disposal for 5 minutes. I pulled out things that NOAH had lost. Slime covered everything...I really was considering death by Seth a better option and then, I FOUND IT! I pulled that stupid tooth out of the drainer and dunked it back into a new brew of cleaners. I was so happy! I quickly poured some acid onto my hand to clean it. It's okay, no pain, no gain. Gotta be clean!

With my good hand I dialed Seth. I told him "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your sisters helped me clean house today. The bad news is they dumped your tooth down the drain." From the other end of the phone he starts to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I said "babe! I.... ("NOOOOO!) "Babe, wait!" (NOOOOOOO!!!!!!) Finally he stopped hollering long enough to hear me say "BUT I FOUND IT!" Then Seth starts to laugh and laugh and laugh, and then he starts to CRY! And then he starts to laugh and cry together. Then he says "I have to go, I think I'm hormonal.." The tooth is still sitting in the brew. Seth has to glue it back together this weekend. He's a brave soul, and he must really hate kissing cause I sure ain't gonna kiss him ever again! (okay, maybe I will if he gargles with bleach first) So that my friends is the story of the lost and found tooth. I tell you, it has been a POOPY week. :D


  1. I am laughing my head off!! Keep it comin'! :)

    Leah Chancey

  2. I'm laughing too...NOW. Last week was...phew, glad it's over. :) Hope you're doing well. Thanks for the comment. Makes me HAPPY ;D