Visit with the Outlaws

This last week my parents came to visit! It was so nice to be with them. I haven't seen them in six months! (Seth wants to know if that's a long time?)

My family is an evangelist family. They travel and literally sing for their supper. If they get sick they go hungry. :) So, Monday they're on their way to my house. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. About 10AM on monday morning my throat started to hurt. It hurt REALLY BAD and every inch of me was SORE. It felt like I'd done 6 hours of Tae-bo and I hadn't done any! It was really weird. By 3PM my parents were only 4 hours away and I was sick. Really, really sick. It hurt to move my EYES! I knew that if I let on that I was sick then Mom and Dad would be afraid of getting it. I decided to put up a brave front and wash my hands a lot.

Mom and Dad got here at 7PM. It was so so so so so nice to see them!!! We grilled burgers on my back porch and then we all went to the cabin where my family was gonna stay. We talked and laughed and we fell into bed late. When I laid down I thought I was dying. I'd not been this sick in years.

The next day, Tuesday, Mom and I hit all the resale shops. I love to shop and I never get to do it, especially with my Mom. It is probably one of my very favorite things to do. I was so sick all I could think was "how many resale shops ARE there in Petoskey??" Even in my death-bed illness I managed to get some good deals though. Not even death can stop me from a good deal. *grin

We got home Tuesday night and I was not about to cook. Mom and Dad scrounged up a pretty good meal. (I'm an awful hostess.) No one knew I was sick yet. I hadn't let on at all which is a big deal because I want everyone to feel bad for me when I'm sick!

Wednesday was a work day. I had to clean some houses and Mom came along. She's trying to make some extra money for a special project she's working on. We cleaned from 9AM until 5PM. We BOTH thought we were dying by this time. We decided pizza would be a good option for supper. On the way home from work my voice started acting funny. It sounded like a was a 13 year old boy going through puberty! By 9PM Wednesday night I had totally lost my voice. There was no hiding it now. Mom broke out the hazmat suits she keeps under the seats of the van and I had to admit I'd been hiding my sickness. It was hard to convince her that I didn't have any evil intentions on getting them sick. No Mom, I haven't been sneaking into your room at night and breathing on you or licking your toothbrushes.

The funny thing is, six months ago when I last saw Mom SHE had totally lost HER voice. She had to whisper the entire 2 weeks I was with her. It seems like Mom and I can't have a visit that one of us can carry on a normal conversation.

Seth was able to put all of this into perspective for us. He said, "God knows just how much a man can handle. He takes care of it for me."

Save Me from Seth!!!

It was a cold and rainy day all day yesterday. Days like that can be depressing so Seth was like a kid in the candy store when a college guy from our church, Josh, called and asked Seth if he could take him to a job interview in Traverse City. That's a town about an hour from where we live. Seth loves to drive and he needed to get out of the house!

Just so you can imagine this better, Josh is 6 ft and 8in tall. He is dark-skinned. His Mom's white and his dad's black. Josh has black curly hair and brown eyes. We live in North Michigan. There aren't a lot of people that AREN'T white up here so he REALLY stands out because of his height and because of his color.

Our sister church in TC is having revival services all week and since Josh and Seth were in town they decided to go to the services. Seth waited for Josh to get done with his interview (which took FOREVER) and they headed to the church about 7:10PM. When they walked into the lobby the church was already singing. Seth and Josh didn't want to interrupt the song so they were peeking through the crack in the wooden double doors. The doors have 18" square glass windows in each door but if you stay in the middle of the doors the pastor on the platform can't see you so Josh and Seth were standing in the center.

All the church was sitting down and they were singing the song "Coming Home" the chorus goes "Coming home, coming home, never more to roam..."

So as Seth was peeking through the crack in the door he can hear the music but that's about it. Suddenly, in the middle of the song the pastor of the church (who was leading the music) walked to the edge of the platform so he can see through the door's glass into the lobby. He was looking very intense. He bent down a little to see better and He mouthed the words "Come on. Come on." and motioned with grand motions for Seth and Josh to come on in.

Josh and Seth are clowns, especially when they feel awkward. It's always awkward to walk into a service late and it's very awkward to have the pastor motion for you to come in when they're in the middle of a song. So, Seth and Josh both decided to be a ham. They bust through the double doors like they were saloon doors in an old movie. Josh was waving like Miss America and Seth had a grin on that any mother would be suspicious of. Everyone in the church turned around and was staring and the pastor just stopped. You ever been watching a movie that all the music and acting just comes to a crashing halt? That's what happened to Josh and Seth. As the doors were swinging closed behind them they realized that the pastor had not been talking to them. He was using the words of the song to speak to his people. He was saying "Come Home! Come Home! (Grand beckoning motions) It's never too late to come home. You can come to the altar and get things right! You don't have to wait for the preaching. Come Home"

Josh and Seth just froze. They became statues glued to the back doors. They didn't even breathe. The piano started up again and the pastor started singing again. Conviction moment over, thanks guys. The church finished singing all 20 verses and as soon as they piano stopped (where it was supposed to this time) Seth and Josh slunk into the back pew.

When Seth came home and told me what happened I was SO THANKFUL I had stayed home so Donnie could go to bed on time. Church is a dangerous place...if you go with Seth :)

Life with Seth

It's 80 degrees and my poor son is in insulated jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. It's all he has to wear. He's too big for last year's summer stuff. So, I decided to hit some garage sales today. OH MAN, IT WAS AWESOME! I went to a lot of the sales in my town and about half way through Seth called and needed to make a couple of stops in the next town over so I picked him up and we went to EJ. (The next town over) Seth made his stops and there were two million garage sales in EJ so we decided to stop at all of them that we passed. About 2 hours into our looting we stop at this little house way in the boon-docks. I get out of the car, Seth gets out of the car. We both shut our doors and Seth tries to open up Don's door. It's locked. No biggie. Don's forever locking his door. Seth tried to open the driver's door. It was locked. Now we know we're in trouble. The car has ONE button on it that locks ALL the doors. Just HOPING we're wrong I try my door. It was locked. We're locked out of our car at someone's garage sale, with my baby inside. Great. Seth had hit it with his hip when he got out of the car!

Seth gets out his phone and starts looking for the number for a tow truck. Hello, I'm garage saleing...trying to SAVE money. Not blow it on a locksmith dude. Besides they would take FOREVER to get there and even though we're parked in the shade it's gonna get hot fast in our little car. All the windows are up and Don's looking at me like, "Mom, can we go already??" I told Seth we should call the cops. Normally they won't open your car up for you if you just lock your keys in but since there's a baby involved I'm betting they would and they'd be a LOT faster getting there. (And it is free) So, Seth calls 911. "Hi, my name is Seth Green. I locked my kid in the car..." Who on earth does this happen to???? (besides us)

I walk up the short drive to the house and tell the lady that I'm sorry but there will probably be cops here in a few min. We locked our kid in the car. Her eyes bug out and she's says "Is he okay?" I'm like oh yeah! He's great!

For 20 minutes we wait for the officer to get there. While we are waiting Donnie starts to cry so I sing every silly song I know. The people coming in and out of the garage sale see a demented woman singing songs to her car making hand motions and "happy" faces.

Finally the cop shows up. He's the nicest guy on earth! He got Donnie out in 2 minutes flat! I'm going to include a picture of Donnie and the officer. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE mother's. "Thanks for saving my son who I almost roasted to death, can I have your picture??? LOL)

Get this though, that officer is the SAME officer who fished Seth out of the lake several winters ago when Seth flipped his car into the water! Small world, right?

With Don safely out I went back up to the garage sale and told the lady we were good. He was only half baked. I'm sure she'll never forget that garage sale. Not to be beaten by a little bad luck Seth and I continued to "sale on" and got many more good deals. Every time Seth gets out of the car I tell him to watch his hips though.

Not even garage saleing is dull with Seth... (or safe haha)

Dirty Treasure

I have looked for a dog for months. For Mother's day Seth got me a puppy! She's a Brittany Spaniel and very adorable. Since she's a puppy I'm having to house break her. She's doing pretty good but it's a BIG JOB to house break a dog. Every thirty minutes I have to take her out. She's had a few accidents but not many. She's more work than a KID!

It's Friday night and I'm supposed to on a "date night" with Seth. Only problem is that I've been puking my guts up. So, Seth and I are on the bed (and he's under threat of death by torture if he moves the bed at all) and we're watching a movie. Donnie and my dog, Shelby, are running around playing nicely. I'm laying on my side and every once in a while Don will bring me things that he knows are bad. He found a penny and brought it to me, then he found an earring and brought that to me. My back was to the edge of the bed so he would just hand it to my from over my shoulder.

If you know me at all you know that I am a germaphobic. Shopping carts are instruments of death. If a toilet brush some how accidentally touches any part of your body, that member is an automatic candidate for immediate amputation. Dirty dish water is to be let out with a ginormous pair of tongs that you immediately drop into boiling water after they've done their civil duty of removing the plug from the kitchen sink.

From the above three paragraphs I'm sure you're wondering what in thunder they have to do with each other....

I was laying on my side, shaking all over from my violent barfing spells. I'm watching a movie and praying that Don and Shelby will suddenly get tired and go to sleep. I feel Don crawling up next to me again. He is making his special grunting noise that means he's found something he's not supposed to have. I hold my hand out for it, never taking my eyes off of the screen. It was warm. And mushy. I bring my hand to my face and there in between my fingers is Shelby's dookie ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I start screaming my head off. Seth has no idea what is going on. He jumps off the bed looking for blood. Some one has to be dead. I'm holding my hand up toward him screaming TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, he takes it. I have no idea what he did with it. I get up on my wobbly legs, holding my hand far above my face (and nose) and run to the bathroom. Take a quick moment to once again lose my stomach, and then proceed to wash my hand in boiling water, bleach, comet, acid, laundry soap, lye, dial soap, dove soap, and bath and body works soap. Then I wrapped my hand in plastic. I will never take it out. It's doomed to live the rest of it's sordid life hidden from the world. I'm selling the dog...

PS. Ever try to type with your hand in plastic? I might look into fingered plastic gloves. I'll wear just one. You can call me Michelle Jackson..haha

First Time Mother

I wonder if EVERY mother does at least one thing to her first born child to show the world that she is indeed a novice in the art of motherhood. I've been very proud of myself. My son will be 2 in October. I've managed to not drown him in the tub. (Ever try to give a newborn a bath? It's like trying to eat rice with one chopstick.) I've managed to calm him when he was frantic, change 4 million poop diapers, teach him where his elbow is and many other motherly tasks-all without calling major attention to the fact that I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF THIS BEFORE!!!!! Yesterday, however, I showed the world my "first time mother" status with a flare.

Donnie had eaten lunch and I thought I'd give him a jello cup for a snack. I've never bought a jello cup (so I've never eaten one) but a friend had given me a whole pack. Don's been doing really well eating with a spoon so I gave him a jello cup and spoon, watched him for a few minutes to make sure he had the hang of it then I went into the next room. I had a lot of paper work to do so I was on my computer for a good 20 minutes. I could hear Don talking to himself in the next room. He's almost 2 now and honestly, who can choke on jello?? He was content and I was busy so I didn't go back in until he started to get a bit fussy.

I walked around the corner and the most amazing sight I'd ever seen was before me. Don was in his high chair and from his eyes down to his chest was COVERED in the fire engine red jello. He looked like the code red mountain dew version of the "Hulk" His little eyes had circles of red around them. There wasn't a millimeter of skin between his eyes and chest, where his shirt caught the rest of the jello wrath, that was the most brilliant hue of red I've ever seen on human skin. His hands and arms were bright red as well. I called Seth and we had a good laugh. We took pictures and video. Then I went to clean him off. This is where it got interesting. Did you know that jello will dye your skin?? I scrubbed and scrubbed. He was still red. I put him in the bathtub. The water and my brand new bathtub were both pink, and Donnie was still red. I had turned my beautiful little boy into a real life Bob the tomato!!

I had to run some errands and the 2 hour bath wasn't helping so I dressed my little tomato and off to the store we went. People were stopping and saying "Aww...did he get sun burned?" What was I supposed to say, "Oh yes, I'm a first time mother so I let him play in the sun for hours with no sun screen. When we leave here we're going to the doc so they can treat his 2nd degree burns." The truth wasn't a good option either. "No, he's not burnt. I let him have a jello bath. I didn't like that he was born white, I wanted a red boy." It was the fastest grocery trip I've ever made...

Today is the day after our jello incident. He's still a bit pink around the edges but I think another 24 hours in the tub and he should be back to normal. You know, everything else in this world comes with instruction manuals. Why don't kids???

Warped Humor

Yesterday was Mother's day. It was a long day for me. Seth (my husband and largest child) was really sick all day. I was tired and grumpy and not a very motherly feeling mother on mother's day.

I got home from church and Seth was hungry. You all know how I'm living out of boxes. Cooking is a bit of a challenge. I went to the store, picked up some noodles, chicken breast and cheesy sauce. I made a chicken alfredo. (I was impressed with myself. I have one pan. It's an electric skillet.) I was kind of grumbling to myself as I put my mess away. It's mother's day and I was having to make a meal, not going out to eat. I hadn't used all the chicken breast so I opened the fridge up and put the raw breast onto the top shelf, next to the eggs. Then it hit me, I wondered if I had just set the same hen that had "birthed" those eggs down next to her young. "Happy Mother's day, ladies" I said to the the top shelf. Guess yours went a little worse than mine. Then I started laughing.

Seth got his phone out and started to dial the number for the little men in white coats. (He has it on speed dial cause he lives with me) I assured him I was still sane. It just tickled my morbid sense of humor.

He deserves a medal for living with this strange woman...

Feather Brain

Anyone who has met my Mother knows that she turns into a weird, strange, and often hysterically funny creature after 9PM. Last night I was talking to her and we were discussing weight loss. (A very depressing subject...)
Anyway, I was so upset because I've been on the strictest diet an working out for at least 30 min a day for a week now and I've GAINED weight!! How that is possible I do not know...it's my luck. So, I was wailing to my mother about it. I needed her sage wisdom. My timing could've been a bit better. Why I waited til 9:01 PM to ask her this question I'll never know, but the results...

Me "Mom, why am I gaining weight? I'm eating 1200 calories a day and working out at least 30 min a day."

Mom said "Sarah, you know that muscle weighs more than fat. You're not gaining weight your just gaining muscle."

Me, "Mom, a lb of fat and a lb of muscle are still a POUND so why do ppl say that muscle weighs more than fat?? That's like saying which is heavier; a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers."

Mom didn't blink, she said, well bricks are heavier, duh! I started laughing. "Mom, I wasn't really asking you that, it was more of a rhetorical question." Dad and I are both laughing so hard now at the bewildered look on Mom's face.

Mom "I don't understand. Why are you guys laughing at me? This isn't funny. Why is bricks being heavier funny?

Dad "Anne, which is heavier, a POUND of bricks or a POUND of feathers?"

Mom "Bricks! Bricks are heavier!!"

Dad and I are laughing too hard to breathe by now and poor Mommy is so confused.

Finally we explain it in detail.

Mom's closing comment..."Well, I don't like being set up like that."

I love Mom. She's awesome...

Unusable Armor

Kids have a funny perspective on life. No one sees things the way that small children do. Growing up my dad, and pastor, was doing a series on Wednesday nights on the armor of God. The helmet of salvation, sword of truth, breast plates of righteousness, shield of faith, feet shod with the Gospel.

My friend and I were about 9 and 12 (I was 12 and older and wiser in things of the world...) and just old enough to understand some of what Dad was teaching. One day while over at her house we were putting away dishes and just as serious as a heart attack my friend picked up two small plates, held them to her chest and said, "Look Sarah, breast plates of righteousness!!"

To this day I can't put away dishes from a dishwasher with out remembering the look of horror on her mother's face, instantly followed by hysterical laughter.

Bank Rub

Two years ago I worked in home health care. I took care of several elderly people and some of my duties involved driving them on errands. I had one lady who was a "favorite" of mine, I'll call her Mary. She was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and she could recall dates from 1910 but couldn't remember how to hold a tooth brush.

One bitterly cold January morning Mary wanted to go to the bank. The wind was blowing like nobody else's business and it was very bad white-out conditions. There was snow drifting and blowing everywhere! Now, I'm a southern girl. I am not used to snow and wind and I'm not particularly fond of all the white goo we call snow, but duty called. So, Mary and I bundled up and out the door we went. We made it to the bank in once piece (for which I was very proud of) and we decided to go through the drive through. Mary had her deposit all ready so I pulled up to the little "sucker" station. (You know, the thing that sucks up the little plastic cylinder thingy that you put your deposit slip into.) I put the car into park, rolled down my window, and grabbed the little cylinder thingy. The two seconds my little hand was out the window must've frozen my fingers because before I could get the thingy into the car I dropped it!

When I had pulled up to the bank window there wasn't a car in sight. Now I have like 50 of them behind me and now the other lane has cars in it too! I get out of the car, shut the door and look down expecting to see the cylinder thingy. It's not there. Now, because I'm from the south I REALLY bundle up. I have on tights, long johns, sweat pants, 3 skirts, 4 jackets, 2 hats...you get my drift. To top it all off, I'm several months pregnant. I can't really bend over that easy. I walk around my car hoping the stupid little cylinder thingy has rolled all the way through. It didn't. So little, round me gets down on all fours to look under my car. There it is. It's wedged between the concrete and the bottom of my car. It was wedged in such a way that if I drove forward I'd crush the dumb thing. I had to walk back around to the driver's side of car and pretending not to see the ladies in the bank gathering in the window, and the loooooong line of cars waiting, I get down on my belly in 10 inches of snow and worm my frosty-the-snowman-sized body under my car to grab the most hateful piece of plastic I've ever seen. I wrap my numb fingers around it and then try to wiggle back out. The wind is blowing my skirt up into my face and I'm about stuck under my car! All I could think was "Oh my gosh, they're gonna have to call a TOW truck to get me outta here!" Fate finally decided to let me have some shred of decency left and I managed get out from under the car.

When I got myself upright I looked up into the window of the bank drive thru and all the ladies were laughing so hard. I can't blame them...I would've laughed too, and poor Mary looked a deer in the headlights. She had no idea why I was making snow angels in the bank drive way. No one in the loooooooong line of cars looked me in the eye either. I drug my wounded ego back into my car, carefully handed the mean plastic cylinder thingy to Mary. We made her deposit and I got out of there as fast as I could.

The next week when I pulled into the bank the lady said one thing to me. "Careful, don't drop it."
Yeah, that's so nice. Just rub it in. *laugh

Donnie's First Bar

This spring has been amazing in Northern Michigan. It came SO early. Our snow has been gone since the middle of March! Last year wasn't so beautiful. It was more normal for up here. The weekend before our anniversary (which is May 10th) Seth and I decided to go have a picnic in the woods. The snow had been gone about 2 weeks or so and it was a beautiful day in the upper 50's, lower 60's.

About our car at the time. Seth bought it for thirty dollars. That's not a typo. Yes, you can buy cars for $30. Grant it, they will leave huge plumes of smoke behind you as you go. That little car got great gas milage but oil milage was a little steep. Two quarts every gas fill-up. Ah...the good old days...

Anyway...

Seth and I have a favorite spot we love to hike in. It way far away from everything and has a beautiful stream. It's very wild and untamed. It's a nature reserve that Seth and I found just after we were married. It's about 45 minutes from Charlevoix. The last 3 miles to get into the reserve are accessible only by a 2-track.

So, Seth, Donnie and I set out to go have a family picnic. When we got to the beginning of the 2 track it looked pretty smooth. It didn't look like the snow from all winter had been too bad. So, we started down the windy path in our little smokey car. (Poor trees were choking...haha) The whole 2 track is down hill as you go into the reserve and the farther in you get the more narrow the road and the higher the ridges on either side of your car get. It got bumpier and bumpier. Our heads were slamming into the ceiling. Suddenly we rounded a sharp curve and there was nothing but a bank of snow and ice. We couldn't stop. We were going downhill and there's NO WAY to turn around. We plowed into the bank of snow and ice and somehow kept on going. For another quarter of a mile we "slippy slided" downhill, on the ice, surrounded by large earth banks on either side of our car. Donnie was a sweet baby and was very quiet. I was screaming bloody murder, silently in my heart of course. Seth was chalk white and hanging onto the steering wheel for dear life. Like the magic bus we finally went airborne and landed in the middle of a grassy field. The very one we had intended to go picnic in.

Seth and I got out of the car on wobbly legs and looked up the path we had just come. There were deep ruts where the snow had melted and trickled downhill. Every inch of that hill was covered in ice. There was NO WAY we were getting back up it in ol' smokey. Well, since we made it to where we had wanted to go in the first place we might as well enjoy our picnic. Donnie was peacefully sleeping so we left him in the car, spread our blanket out and went to town. It was a delicious meal but we had to eat it fast. We had a 3 mile hike in front of us.

After our picnic we got Donnie out of the car. Now he was only 5 months old so he was still in the really little car seat. (I call them Pumpkin Seats. So if I say Pumpkin Seat you'll know what I'm talking about) I got the diaper bag, Seth got Donnie in the pumpkin seat and we started climbing up the cold, slippery, WET hill. Going DOWN that hill in a car had been easy. It was a hike straight UP the entire way. Seth and I took turns carrying Don in his pumpkin seat and finally we ended up with Seth holding one side and me holding the other. That kid weighed a ton! We walked and walked and walked and walked. I thought we'd never get out of that place. We couldn't call anyone either because of COURSE there was no cell service. After about an hour of walking we got to the main highway. There was a gas station just a little down the road. We walked to it and IT WAS CLOSED! At least we had cell service by this time so we called our good friend Jonathan Barker. He said he'd come get us as soon as he could. We sat outside that abandoned gas station for an hour. It started to get dark and really chilly. There's no where to go. We are miles from the nearest town. About .5 miles down the road I can see some lights twinkling. I asked Seth was it another gas station? He said "sure! Something like that." I suggested we walk to it. Don was well bundled but it was getting too cold for me (who had no jacket) and I really didn't like the baby out in damp, cold, night air.

We started our trek to the next gas station. There wasn't even a HOUSE to stop at. We were in the middle of no where! Seth and I were toting Don between us and a nice lady stopped and gave us a lift the rest of the way to the gas station where we would wait on JB. We get out of her van and walk into a dimly lit, smokey...WAIT A SEC! Seth took me to one of these on our honey moon! (Read Haywire Honeymoon...) I knew what this was! We were in a bar!!!!!!!!!! It was a very old, dingy place and there were only 3-4 people there. They were very nice and offered us some soda. I was so thirsty but I wasn't ABOUT to drink ANYthing in there. So, we sat in the bar for about 30 minutes. All of a sudden JB pulls up. His little truck wouldn't have fit all of us so he had brought the church van. We're sitting in this bar and JB pulls up right in front of the building. You can see plain as day BIBLE BAPTIST CHURCH written across the van. We got the strangest looks as we walked out that door. And Donnie had been to his first (and hopefully ONLY) bar.

Moral of the story. Picnic in the middle of town on concrete.

Dog Tales

*NOTE! All names and places have been changed for privacy reasons but this is a TRUE story

Recently a girl was BEGGING her husband for a dog. For months the husband refused her. Finally one day he gave her guidelines. It can't shed, it can't bark, it must be housebroken, it must be small, AND it must be free. (Basically he wanted a gerbil.) So, this wife set out on her quest. She looked and looked and looked and looked....and looked. One golden day she found it! There was an ad so she went to check out this dog. One small problem. The ad didn't have a picture to go with it. Another small problem. This girl is never ever able to say "no." It's not in her vocabulary.

So, off into the blue yonder the girl rides to meet her perfect 4-legged friend. She gets to the house and meets the dog. It's so ugly it looks like an alien. It weighs about 4 lbs so it is small CHECK! It has these huge buggy eyes. Well, cute wasn't on the list was it? The dog is a cross breed so for the most part it looks like a little bat dog (without wings of course) but it also had some wire hair wini dog in it. So growing off of the little bat-face is a goatee that any Pharaoh would be jealous of but not only does it have a goatee it has a weird line of hair growing down his neck. It looked like a mohawk that belonged to a chemo patient. All the other requirements were met though! It was free, it was small, it didn't shed (unless you count a single mohawk hair every once in a while shedding) it didn't bark, it was supposed to be house broken and it was FREE. (Seriously, I think they would've paid that girl to take that dog. If it was a dog. She is now convinced it was a cross between a bat and a demon.)

The girl loaded the tiny, housebroken, non-barking, non-shedding, FREE, ugly, dog into her car and drove home. She was so ashamed of her newly acquired friend she left it in the car for about 30 min before she had the nerve to tell her husband she got it. They went out to the car together...and there it sat. Staring at them with it's buggy eyes bulging. It was so ugly that the gruff, dog hating husband took pity! He kinda liked the dog. So, into the house we went. That dog wouldn't come near the girl. He didn't like her at all. He liked the husband well enough and was gracious enough to allow the husband to pick it up. The girl asked the husband to take the bat-dog outside for a walk. She warned the husband not to let the doggie off the leash. Thirty minutes later the girl went looking for her husband. Hm, that's weird. No husband. Maybe little bat-dog finally sprouted his wings and carried the husband off? The girl went and got her telescope to search the skies. (haha, jk) Soon the husband burst into the doors. He was flushed and panting. Nope, guess the dog was still on 4 legs. The husband hadn't listened to the wife. He let the dog off and within seconds the little dog from Hades slipped through the fence. Poor husband had to look for that dog for hours. He never found it.

There is a new item on the gerbil/dog list. Come when called. And no breeds mixed with bat.
*NOTE. The previous owner was notified and they were able to find the little devil dog. The doggie is safe in sound in his old home.

Men know best

Today Seth and I went hiking. It was a beautiful day. It was in the 70's with a brisk, warm breeze blowing from the south. We followed a small stream for about 45 minutes. After about 20 minutes of hiking I gave up and just walked in the water. Seth was appalled that I was getting wet. He told me numerous times to get out of that cold stream! I told him I'd rather get my feet wet than ALL of me wet. Seth said that was silly, he wouldn't get wet. If you've ever followed a stream you know that you have to criss cross over it many times. Some sides are clear for a few feet and then there's too many fallen logs or brambles so you have to cross to the other side which is usually a bit clearer. Seth jumped the stream, he walked high above the stream on a ridge to avoid the fallen logs, he swung from vines and I plodded through the stream.

Finally, we HAD to cross. The side of the stream we were on was a wall straight up and it disappeared into the stream at the base. There weren't any good logs to cross on. Seth decided to cross by jumping. I was already on the other side cause I just walked thru. Seth backed up as much as possible and started to run towards the babbling brook. He uttered a cry that all southern boys in the Civil War would've been proud of. Seth's feet left the air, and gravity gave a yank. Seth flew three or four feet and I could see the look on his face as he realized he wasn't going to make the opposite bank. He landed in the middle of that stream. I was about 20 feet from him. I couldn't move out of the way fast enough. A tidal wave of mud and water hit me dead on. As soon as I cleared the dripping hair out of my eyes I looked, and there was my poor, pitiful husband standing knee deep in the stream. Water was dripping from his hair, eyelashes and ears. His entire body was soaked. We were laughing so hard we couldn't catch our breath. So much for not getting his FEET wet. (Glad you knew what was best, Honey. :)

Bitten by Love

I LOVE Andes mints! They are the best mints in the world. After lunch today I gave one to Seth and then I ate one. About five minutes after we had finished our mints Seth was relaxing in his easy chair. I thought I'd sit with him a minute and when I smelled his minty breath I wanted a kiss. *heart*

It was a really good kiss...everything in the world was drowned out. (You know how that goes)

Right in the middle of it Seth hollered! I jumped 6 miles and Seth was staring in shock at Donnie who was standing at the arm of the chair. "He bit me!" I looked down at Seth's arms and there were little teeth marks turning purple.

I started to laugh! Donnie had seen us kissing and thought he'd join in!! Next time I'll put him down for a nap first.

Changling

My 7 year old brother is forever breaking things. My parents have tried every trick in the book to cure him of his tragic habit but to no avail. Finally Mom and Dad had the bright idea of MONEY! (Money talks in every language to every age...)

Every time Jo breaks something he has to empty his piggy bank into dad's piggy bank. I had forgotten this new rule until one day when I got home and saw that Jo was moping around the house. I asked why was he so sad?

He said:

"I had to DOWNLOAD all of my change into dad's piggy bank again today."

Correction of Haywire Honeymoon

Just for public record Seth HAD been to to Ellis Island. He'd never been to DC. I forgot that he's been to one but not the other. =D
Love,
Sarah

Burn me up

My husband is a very smart guy. He loves computers and anything geeky. He tends to use large words that I think SOMEtimes he makes up just for fun. The other day he kept putting his feet on my coffee table. His feet are lethal weapons that the Chinese would pay a high price to harness. I can smells his boots from across the house. It's bad. I didn't want his smelly, dirty feet on my table. He kept doing it just to irk me. Does anyone else's husband do that? Like to irk you for fun?? Finally I looked at Seth and in my most deadly tone said (trying to use language he could understand...he loves big words)

"Seth, you INCINERATE me!"

He started laughing so hard and I couldn't understand why. When he finally caught a breath he said,

"Babe, I think you meant INFURIATE not INCINERATE..."

Haywire Honeymoon 2

The same night as our unforgettable root beer float Seth and I walked down old 66, through the town we were staying in. If you've ever seen the movie "Cars" that is exactly what it was like. It was a neat experience.

The next morning we got up and kept trucking north. I don't know if any of you have ever been to New Mexico but it is one of the prettiest of the 50 states. The rock formations are beautiful and they're different colors! Not the normal old gray rocks but they're light pink and white and a clayish orange. It's an awesome state to drive through. Don't stop to use the restroom though!!! Seth had to stop, I was smart and waited in the car. When he came back out he was a funny shade of gray and green. He said that people didn't bother to even use the toilet...there were piles in the bathroom. He laid off the soda for the rest of the way through NM.

We finally got to our cabin in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. It was about midnight and so black you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. Seth, my brave husband got out and walked around looking for the key to the cabin. It was supposed to be in a box under a rock, behind a tree, next to a mushroom that the fairies put there. Seth had a tiny flash light and went on his magical hunt. He finally found the key and we pulled our tired bodies into the house. It was an amazing cabin. It was 1600 square feet, fully furnished and well decorated. It wasn't rustic at all, it was fantastically amazing and so beautiful. It had a wood floor, stone fire place, a fully stocked kitchen, and the biggest shower I'd ever seen. The shower had individual shower heads with their own temp controls! I wanted to take the shower home with me. After we explored the house we went to bed. When we got up the next morning I looked out the huge glass windows and I thought I was looking at a panoramic picture. One hundred feet from the front porch was the Rio Grande River and it was bubbling at the base of a mountain peak that was gold and pink in the morning sun. It was breath taking. What was even more breath taking was the 400,000 signs posted everywhere. Please do not leave trash out, the bears will get into it. Beware of Bears. Bear Crossing. Do not pet baby Bears! My husband had been crawling around in the dark with 20 bears watching...I just know it. Thank goodness he smelled like a bear himself from traveling or they might have thought he was a tasty morsel! There were also signs for wolves and moose, and Seth wanted to go hiking! Not in this life time. I looked out my picture window, drank hot chocolate and left the wildlife in peace. =D

We stayed in that cabin a week. For all my teasing, I really had an amazing honeymoon. I got do so many things and I had fun through ALL of it, even the weird parts. We're about to get into the REALLY weird part so hang on...

The next part of our honeymoon was a surprise. Seth wouldn't tell me anything except we were going to Chicago. We drove ALL night to get there. I say we loosely. Seth kept me awake with his snoring. When we got to Chicago we met up with our friend Matt (from the beginning of the story.) He was a resident in the city of Chicago. We left our vehicle at his place and put our luggage in his truck and we started driving. I had no idea where we were going or WHY we were driving with Matt. I was so tired from my sleepless night that I fell asleep and woke up at Chicago O'Hare. Seth had bought us tickets to NY! We settled on the plane and in no time had landed in the city that never sleeps. We got our rental car and we drove to Ellis Island parking. We viewed the statue of Liberty and other Ellis Island attractions. I'd been there before but Seth hadn't. It was a FUN thing to do on your honeymoon! We finished touring about 3 and decided to drive down to Washington. I can remember what day this was because we planned on going to church in DC. We used our GPS to get us into the main flow of traffic. Only problem was, it didn't FLOW for very long. There is something wrong with New Yorkers. The have the impression that if you blow your horn a gridlocked traffic pattern will suddenly disappear. We got stuck in traffic. We watched the SAME light change 180 times. It was unreal. And the WHOLE time we sat there every horn, except ours, was blaring! Seth and I were so tired we fell asleep! BOTH of us! When the honking got more frantic (if that's possible) we'd crack an eye and move up the inch that had been created. Or we'd TRY to move up that inch but usually some crazy taxi driver had his leg stuck out of his door trying to get into that spot. They are the wildest drivers I've ever seen, and I've been a LOT of places. When we'd been at that light for 3 hours I was SO hungry and thirsty. There were vendors on the side walks but I just KNEW if I got out that the traffic would start to actually for REAL move. I couldn't handle it anymore. Three hours in the sun and I had to have something to drink. So, I got out of the car and walked over to a vendor. Seth wanted 2 hot dogs so I ordered those the way he wanted them. The guy was putting on the mustard when TRAFFIC STARTED TO MOVE! I grabbed Seth's dogs, and one drink, threw a $20 at the vendor and took of running like a mad woman. I was hollering WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and Seth has his head out the window hollering, you can make it! Faster! Just a little more! Mustard is slapping me in the face and horns are screaming. I made a flying leap and landed next to the car. I threw Seth the soda and yanked open the door and flung myself into the seat. And traffic stopped. I think that hot dog vendor did have the ONE magic horn in all of NY. He must've blown it so I wouldn't have time to get my change. And then he made the traffic stop just has I made my very unlady-like plunge into the car, just for a laugh. I don't like hot dog vendors.

We finally made it to DC about midnight (should've been there about 5) We fell into bed and didn't wake up until 10 the next morning (thursday). I love Washington. It is an amazing city. I've been there 5 times but it never gets old. Seth and I went to many of the museums and walked down Independence Ave. It was so much fun!
We stayed the night again and spent most of Friday in even more museums. On Thursday we had parked 2 miles out of DC and had to walk in. Friday Seth decided he'd park in a parking garage. So, we did and we had a wonderful day, except for lunch. I LOVE Mexican food and there aren't any Mexican places where we live in MI. So, Seth decided to treat me to authentic Mexican food. He typed what we wanted into the GPS and followed the directions. We pull up to our destination...the doors were swinging plywood and I think I saw a chicken or two hopping around. I was scared but didn't want to complain. We walked in and our eyes had a hard time adjusting to the dim lighting. When they finally started to focus I saw a LONG counter with stools all up against it, and the REALLY weird thing was the floor was carpet except on the left there was a huge wooden area with a shiny ball over it. The lady at the counter asked us in broken English if we'd like a drink. Seth asked if they were serving lunch. "Lunch?" She said "We don't serve lunch. This is a bar. The restaurant is next door." Seth took me to my first bar. (He's taken me to another one since...but that's a whole different but just as crazy story) The restaurant was scary. The waitress didn't speak any English. For drinks I went up the fountain and pointed to the one I wanted. They didn't offer soda. It looked like pink lemonade. It wasn't. It was a weird grapefruit thing. Very nasty. I was hoping the food would be better. I tried to order off the Spanish menu. Burrito isn't hard to read. I didn't know what the sauce was. I don't think they did either. I think the cook borrowed some tar from somewhere and mixed in the chili powder and called it good. It was thick and black and oh so very gross. Seth and I both tried to eat it. He didn't want to offend me and my Mexican tastes. I didn't want to offend him because he had just spent $30 on tar. Finally I looked at him and said "Seth, I can't eat it." He said, "Oh thank the Lord, me either! Let's go!" We went to Burger King. Good old burger, fry and shake.

To end the day we went to the IMAX theater. The show ended at 9PM and we went to get find our car. We were going to drive back to NY, spend the night and then fly out the next morning to Chicago. Small problem. We couldn't find our car. We looked for an hour. We had the NAME of our parking garage but come to find out it was like saying, Hey, do you know where Burger King is? There were a million parking garages with that name around DC. We asked locals, we even asked some foot patrol cops. They didn't know, but they did warn us to not take the next street. There were hookers there. Seth put his arm around me and said, "That's okay, she'll protect me." The cop said, "She'd better, because they're not female..."
It was about 11pm and we saw a cop in a car. We walked up to him and Seth a bright idea. When we walked out of the garage Seth had taken a picture of the Capitol. Our camera was dying but with it's last breath it showed the cop the angle we had parked at. Brave little camera. GLORY TO GOD the cop recognized it! He told us how to get there. We were SO excited and TIRED! We'd had nothing to eat since lunch that day and nothing to drink either. We left the very helpful cop and it was a 10 minute walk to our car. We found the garage! But, it was locked. Did you know parking garages have closing times? Yeah, me either. They had closed at 7pm. Our RENTAL car (and keys, they took our keys for whatever reason) and all our luggage was in that car. Seth and I didn't know what to do. The parking garage was attached to a tall building with lots of windows. Probably an office building we were thinking. We went and banged on the doors. Finally we called the cops. A cop came out and she looked at the building with us. She helped us bang on the door some more. Finally a security guard from the next building walked over. He was a tall black man and very very nice. His news wasn't so nice though. The garage we had parked in was federal building's garage. They let the public use it but it follows the federal's schedule. Not too bad, it'll open for work the next morning, right? Wrong. It was memorial day weekend. They wouldn't open until Tuesday. Our rental car was due at 10 the next morning. Our flight left at 10:30 AM! Tuesday was FOUR DAYS away! The cop left and the security guard took us to the grass patch in front of their building. They were going to make some phone calls for us. I sat down in the grass. It felt so good. It was 12 AM by now and I was so tired and hungry and thirsty. The second security guard stuck her head out of the door and said "I wouldn't sit in that grass if I wuz you. There be some big rats in there." I started laughing, and then crying then laughing again. Could it get worse? The security guards finally took pity and let us into their building. They had a drink machine. I think we drank every can left in it. Those security guards were so kind and did everything they could but they couldn't get hold of anyone. Seth and I went back outside and we were staring at the building when we saw a well dressed young man coming up to the door of the building that was holding our car prisoner. HE WORKED THERE! We told him our trouble and he said he could get us into the garage no problem! Our prayers were answered. (It's now 1AM) This guy was REALLY nice but you could tell he was um...well, he like men. Anyway, he took us through the federal building and down into the garage. His HUMMER was parked there. We saw our lonely little car but the KEYS weren't with it. There was a little office space in the garage. The keys must be in there. Seth and this nice guy picked the lock! We got into the office and no keys. We did find a number to some guy who might be able to help us. We called it and I don't think he was happy to be bothered that time of the morning. He said call again around 8AM. Nice hummer guy offered to give us a ride to our hotel. We told him where we were staying. He said, "Oh, you can't stay there, that's ghetto! (it wasn't) He took us down town DC. The hotels there are really high price. Believe it or not where we'd been staying for $60 a night was MUCH nicer than where he took us. It was in a great neighborhood but it cost $400 for that night. And they didn't even have toothbrushes! We thanked Mr. Hummer man and fell asleep in our clothes.

The next morning (Saturday) we called and rescheduled our flight for later that day. We walked back to the parking garage and called Mr. Parking Garage man. He said he'd come down with our keys in an hour. Three hours later he come SLOWLY walking up. He handed us our keys and turned around to leave. We were like SIR! Our car?? He said, I can't get you in there. It's federal building! AG! Last night we had got in. We had our car but no keys. NOW we have keys but no car!! We went through the same dance we had the night before. Beat on the door, call the cops. The security guards from the night before were gone, but the second shift stuck their heads out the door. "Hey, you two the honeymooners from last night? We heard all 'bout y'all." As Seth was talking to them I walked around the back of the building. There was an old grumpy janitor getting into his truck. I ran up to him and told him our plight. He told me without permission he couldn't get me in there. I asked if a security guard would be enough permission. He said it would but he wasn't gonna wait for me to go find one. Right then Seth and one of the guards walked around the corner. We were saved! The grumpy janitor let us in AND we had our keys. We jumped in our car and drove off waving to the nice guard. We'd already missed one flight and we were rushing to make it to the second. We made it to the airport, dropped off the car and ran to the counter. We missed our flight by five minutes. The lady was nice and didn't make us repurchase the tickets, we just had to pay an adjustment fee. So, our flight was leaving the next morning. We still hadn't eaten ANYthing since the day before. So we walked to a hotel and ordered NY pizza. Little slices of heaven. =D It was a nice relaxing evening. We made our flight the next day and our very crazy NY/DC trip was finished. It was a trip we'll never forget. I doubt the security guards will either. =D

We stayed a week at a cabin in MI to rest from our NY trip, and then we started life. It is a fun, crazy, weird but amazing life with my Seth.

Haywire Honeymoon

No one has a honeymoon story like mine. Yes, I've been married almost 3 years but the scars from those days still exist and run deep. ;-)

Thursday, May 10th, 2007 Seth and I tied the knot in Quartz Hill, California. We got married in CA because Seth graduated from college there (on May 9th) and my family who is in evangelism was in the same area of CA that week. It was a small but beautiful wedding and after the ceremony we drove about 2 hours to stay at a beach house for the weekend. It was a beautiful house. It has 4 large rooms, a fully stocked kitchen, and it was RIGHT ON the Pacific ocean. We dropped our stuff at the beach house then found a little place to eat. As we were sitting there some Mormons came in. I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses. Seth corrected me and then proceeded to explain the difference between the two. He was telling me how the Mormon religion started. A man named JOSEPH SMITH did this, and JOSEPH SMITH believe that and JOSEPH SMITH wrote some weird book...Every time Seth said JOSPEH SMITH and would raise his voice quite a bit. I was a little embarrassed because the Mormons who had come in would look our way each time. Finally, from BEHIND us an older couple said, "Excuse us, we couldn't help but overhear your conversation..." (yeah, I wonder why, old Power Lungs over here...) They asked why we were talking about JOSEPH SMITH! Seth moved into their booth in a second and we spent an hour debating with the oldest mormons in the world, except for JOSEPH SMITH, of course.
I'd been married 4 hours...I should've seen the signs.

We spent our first night together at the lovely beach house and then on Friday we drove 2 hours to pick up some of our bridal party. Seth's friends Matt and JB and my friend Katie had all flown in for our wedding and we hadn't got to really see them. They all live in different states from Seth and I but we're all pretty close. We wanted to spend some time with them. We picked them up on Friday and we had a wonderful evening together in that beach house. We made french toast and stayed up late watching movies. The next day, Saturday, we all went out hiking. It was a blast...and I've yet to meet anyone who took 3 friends along with them on their honeymoon. Saturday night we took Katie, and Matt and JB to the airport and the left for home. Seth and I stayed Saturday night in the beach house alone....=D

Sunday we went to church and that afternoon we went and visited a Pastor's family who are dear friends of mine. Mrs. Shapiro, the pastor's wife had made my BEAUTIFUL wedding cake and helped with the wedding in general. It was good to see them that afternoon.

The next week was fun. We decided to go site seeing as we drove back to Michigan. First stop was the Grand Canyon. I can't remember what day we got there but we were able to spend one day hiking around in the Canyon. It was my second time to see it but Seth's first. No matter how many times you see it it's always breath-taking. Seth did scare the living daylights out of me. We were hiking on this ridge and he was on the edge. All of a sudden he "fell off." I screamed and ran to the edge because it was well over a 600 ft drop. He had jumped onto a TWO foot ledge that was jutting off of the ledge we were hiking on. He thought it was funny....

We left the Grand Canyon and headed up to Colorado. We took old 66 some of the way. One night we left our hotel and walked the streets of the small town we were in. There was an old 50's diner some way down the road. It was so adorable! It had neon green and pink lights and all the decor was green and pink. (pastel green and pink) It was so cute we decided we should get one of their homemade rootbeer floats. We got our float and sat outside in the warm, muggy night under the neon lights. I took a sip of the float, then Seth took a sip. He handed it back to me and I said, "Oh no, it's okay, you can have it."
Seth said "Oh, no, YOU can have it..."
We both started laughing. We had just spent 5 dollars on a root beer float that I think they made with vinegar and sour washcloths. It was awful. We poured it onto the grass and watched the grass wither away...

Stay tuned to hear how we get locked into a federal building, missed 3 flights and seth got hit on my male hookers...

There's a banana in my bed!

My husband is a hard worker but when he crashes it takes an act of major Divine interference to get him up before he's ready. Usually Seth goes to bed around 11 and is up between 6 and 7:30. This morning he wanted to sleep in. I've described our sleeping arrangements at the moment so sleeping in isn't really easy with a Little Alarm Clock who is an early riser himself. (Don, incase you couldn't guess) At 6 this morning Donnie started talking. I ignored his babbling and prayed he would go back to sleep. No such luck. By 7 his talking was turning into very demanding wails. So, I got myself up and we started our normal morning routine - diaper change, tickle fight, change from jamma's to day clothes. By the time all that was done it was about 7:30. Don started tearing around our "living room"/bedroom. He was saying "um! um!" Um is his universal word for all things edible. I had some bananas that were to be our breakfast. I don't have a high chair in my new living space. It is packed somewhere in the gigantic wall of boxes that makes up my privacy wall. I gave Donnie his banana and let him loose. Don has some OCD tendencies. One of them is that he will never eat anything if it's in just one hand. He has to have equal amounts of food in each hand. Armed with half of a banana in each hand he began painting my couches and carpet with the smeary mess. No problem, it wipes up just fine. I went to my bathroom to try and freshen up for the day. When I came back out Donnie was snuggling so sweetly into my empty spot of the bed. It was very adorable. I forgot to check where the bananas went...

When I came back out into the living area Donnie attached himself to my side. We were being kind of loud and so Seth who was still pretending to sleep rolled over to get comfortable. All of a sudden he shot out of bed like he had been electrocuted! Donnie and I were both staring at him with our eyes huge and our mouths open. We'd never seen Dad move this fast in the morning!! Seth was grasping the side of his neck with the most bewildered look I've ever seen, and he exclaimed "There's a banana in my bed!" After the peels (nice pun!) of laughter subsided I mentally made a note...I learned a very easy way to get my man outta bed in the morning. =D And, Seth promptly went digging for that high chair...

It is a beautiful Monday here in Northern Michigan! The sun is shining and the temp is trying to reach 60. Time to break out the sun tan lotion!

I have put my little man down for a nap and my big man is running errands so now would be a good time to take a moment to explain the newest craziness of my life. We moved this last weekend. That in itself isn't so amazing. Everyone moves, BUT this is the 7th time I've moved in 2 and 1/2 years. That also is not such a big deal, lots of military families move that much, even though we're not military. (Unless you count marriage as a constant battle field HAHA) I digress...
So, we moved across town. We knew we were moving a month ago and we decided to fix up the place we were moving into. It needed new drywall, it needed closets (not one closet in the whole house!) and it needed a bath tub (only had a shower) and it needed a new kitchen. All that can get done in a month right? Nope, not for us. We gave our landlord notice we'd be out by the 26th and I started packing, Seth started remodeling. I won by getting done first, and I can assure you it was no photo finish. To understand what I'm about to say I should describe in full detail my new house.

It used to be an old church so the front part is just a very large, open room with windows all down the sides. Right next to where the "platform" used to be is a door that leads to the back of the house. Years ago the back was converted into an apartment. That is the part we're remodeling. (for now. We'll fix the front up later) The "apartment" is quite large. It has 3 bedrooms and a bath. I'll put pictures up soon. The problem is that every inch of the apartment is ripped up. We tore out all the old drywall and are putting in new. The kitchen is totally ripped out and so is the bathroom. All that is in there right now is studs and a lot of dust and dirt. We'd already given our notice to our landlords that we'd be out so what do we do? We move into the large, open room. Seth divided the large, open room in half. He took all our boxes and stacked them from floor to ceiling perpendicular to the walls so we have a privacy wall shielding us from the eyes of workers that are helping remodel the house. On the "house" side of the boxes we set up our bed, a couch, and Seth's desk. It's very cozy. Oh, I forgot, in the large, open room there are two small rooms off to the side. One is a bathroom (with no shower or tub, just the bare necessities.) And the other was used for a tiny office. I made it into Don's room. His crib and toys are all in there and he seems to enjoy his little kingdom. I'm sure you're wondering how we shower and eat. We don't. Just kidding. =D I drive to my in-laws every morning and shower then I prepare our dinner and bring it back to the house. For lunch we just have sandwiches. So, I'm camping INdoors! Hopefully in the next two days our shower will be installed so I can at least shower here. None of this is very hard except I miss cooking. I LOVE to cook. I'll probably cook for 2 weeks straight when I finally get a kitchen back.

In my life you never know what is next...keep "tuned" for more wacky stories. I always have some up my sleeve.
Sarah Beth

Sunday, March 28, 2010 - Rude cop!

Have you ever been pulled over by one of THOSE cops? The small-town, I'm so bored and you looked like a good target, kind of a cop? Those kind are bad but add FEMALE small-town, I'm so bored and you looked like a good target cop and you're in trouble. (And I can be hard of females because I am one. =D)

On our way home from church this morning my sweet husband decided to take the scenic route home. We live in a 1 light little town. There aren't a lot of ways to go home and why he picks the longest way I don't know. For heaven's sake I'm hungry and want to get home! So, we're driving the "scenic" way and he starts to go verrrrrrrry slow. He's pointing out houses and telling me the story behind them. I have heard it all before. I really don't care. I'm HUNGRY! He finally gets down to 2 miles an hour and I can SEE our house so I said "SETH! Please!!! Let's go home." I guess it didn't come out as sweetly as I wanted it to. *grin My hubby peels out, turns the corner and rushes into our drive. All of our nosey neighbors are poking their long noses out the door. Great, I wanna crawl under the seat. Me and my big mouth. I look into the rear view and there is a cop with the lights on behind us!! Now I want to laugh. He really did deserve this. Part of me REALLY wants him to get a ticket, but the other part of me knows that if he DOES get a ticket that's my vacation money. I went inside and left my husband to meet his doom. Before I got inside though I knew he was in trouble. SHE gets out of her car. She's swaggering like she is John Wayne. She's hiking her belt up...yep. He's in big dookie.
Cop: "What's going on here?"
Seth "Ma'am, I was in first gear, it just got stuck"
Cop: "I saw a cloud of dust from where I was sitting"
Seth: "You did, huh?"
Cop: "I'm gonna need your information now..."
She goes back to her car and checks up on my very bad husband.
Cop: "Sir, You know you've had 11 accidents?"
I'm thinking (NO! He didn't know that! Must've been his twin in the other 11 accidents. haha)
Seth was so nice..
"Ma'am, ten of those were car-deer accidents. One was where a woman hit me from behind."
Cop: "Well sir, I can cite you for reckless driving."
Seth: "How can you do that? I wasn't speeding, I didn't go out of my lane."
Cop: "Well, your proof of insurance is expired by 20 days. I'll cite you for that."
Seth: "I JUST moved 2 days ago. It's in the house somewhere in a box!"
Cop: "Oh! You just moved? That means your ID isn't valid. Has the wrong address on it!"
Seth: "No! I have TEN days...I JUST moved so you can't cite me for that either."
Cop: "I'm going to cite you for the insurance"
I went inside. I felt bad that he was in trouble, but a LITTLE part of me enjoyed it. *grin

He did get cited for the insurance but all he has to do is show the proof to the judge and he'll be okay. Another disaster averted! =D

This next week will be interesting I think. We moved (for the 7th time in 3 years) on Saturday. Where we moved we are remodeling. I will put up pictures and stories to go with them very soon.

Love,
Sarah Beth