Two years ago I worked in home health care. I took care of several elderly people and some of my duties involved driving them on errands. I had one lady who was a "favorite" of mine, I'll call her Mary. She was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and she could recall dates from 1910 but couldn't remember how to hold a tooth brush.
One bitterly cold January morning Mary wanted to go to the bank. The wind was blowing like nobody else's business and it was very bad white-out conditions. There was snow drifting and blowing everywhere! Now, I'm a southern girl. I am not used to snow and wind and I'm not particularly fond of all the white goo we call snow, but duty called. So, Mary and I bundled up and out the door we went. We made it to the bank in once piece (for which I was very proud of) and we decided to go through the drive through. Mary had her deposit all ready so I pulled up to the little "sucker" station. (You know, the thing that sucks up the little plastic cylinder thingy that you put your deposit slip into.) I put the car into park, rolled down my window, and grabbed the little cylinder thingy. The two seconds my little hand was out the window must've frozen my fingers because before I could get the thingy into the car I dropped it!
When I had pulled up to the bank window there wasn't a car in sight. Now I have like 50 of them behind me and now the other lane has cars in it too! I get out of the car, shut the door and look down expecting to see the cylinder thingy. It's not there. Now, because I'm from the south I REALLY bundle up. I have on tights, long johns, sweat pants, 3 skirts, 4 jackets, 2 hats...you get my drift. To top it all off, I'm several months pregnant. I can't really bend over that easy. I walk around my car hoping the stupid little cylinder thingy has rolled all the way through. It didn't. So little, round me gets down on all fours to look under my car. There it is. It's wedged between the concrete and the bottom of my car. It was wedged in such a way that if I drove forward I'd crush the dumb thing. I had to walk back around to the driver's side of car and pretending not to see the ladies in the bank gathering in the window, and the loooooong line of cars waiting, I get down on my belly in 10 inches of snow and worm my frosty-the-snowman-sized body under my car to grab the most hateful piece of plastic I've ever seen. I wrap my numb fingers around it and then try to wiggle back out. The wind is blowing my skirt up into my face and I'm about stuck under my car! All I could think was "Oh my gosh, they're gonna have to call a TOW truck to get me outta here!" Fate finally decided to let me have some shred of decency left and I managed get out from under the car.
When I got myself upright I looked up into the window of the bank drive thru and all the ladies were laughing so hard. I can't blame them...I would've laughed too, and poor Mary looked a deer in the headlights. She had no idea why I was making snow angels in the bank drive way. No one in the loooooooong line of cars looked me in the eye either. I drug my wounded ego back into my car, carefully handed the mean plastic cylinder thingy to Mary. We made her deposit and I got out of there as fast as I could.
The next week when I pulled into the bank the lady said one thing to me. "Careful, don't drop it."
Yeah, that's so nice. Just rub it in. *laugh
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Donnie's First Bar
This spring has been amazing in Northern Michigan. It came SO early. Our snow has been gone since the middle of March! Last year wasn't so beautiful. It was more normal for up here. The weekend before our anniversary (which is May 10th) Seth and I decided to go have a picnic in the woods. The snow had been gone about 2 weeks or so and it was a beautiful day in the upper 50's, lower 60's.
About our car at the time. Seth bought it for thirty dollars. That's not a typo. Yes, you can buy cars for $30. Grant it, they will leave huge plumes of smoke behind you as you go. That little car got great gas milage but oil milage was a little steep. Two quarts every gas fill-up. Ah...the good old days...
Anyway...
Seth and I have a favorite spot we love to hike in. It way far away from everything and has a beautiful stream. It's very wild and untamed. It's a nature reserve that Seth and I found just after we were married. It's about 45 minutes from Charlevoix. The last 3 miles to get into the reserve are accessible only by a 2-track.
So, Seth, Donnie and I set out to go have a family picnic. When we got to the beginning of the 2 track it looked pretty smooth. It didn't look like the snow from all winter had been too bad. So, we started down the windy path in our little smokey car. (Poor trees were choking...haha) The whole 2 track is down hill as you go into the reserve and the farther in you get the more narrow the road and the higher the ridges on either side of your car get. It got bumpier and bumpier. Our heads were slamming into the ceiling. Suddenly we rounded a sharp curve and there was nothing but a bank of snow and ice. We couldn't stop. We were going downhill and there's NO WAY to turn around. We plowed into the bank of snow and ice and somehow kept on going. For another quarter of a mile we "slippy slided" downhill, on the ice, surrounded by large earth banks on either side of our car. Donnie was a sweet baby and was very quiet. I was screaming bloody murder, silently in my heart of course. Seth was chalk white and hanging onto the steering wheel for dear life. Like the magic bus we finally went airborne and landed in the middle of a grassy field. The very one we had intended to go picnic in.
Seth and I got out of the car on wobbly legs and looked up the path we had just come. There were deep ruts where the snow had melted and trickled downhill. Every inch of that hill was covered in ice. There was NO WAY we were getting back up it in ol' smokey. Well, since we made it to where we had wanted to go in the first place we might as well enjoy our picnic. Donnie was peacefully sleeping so we left him in the car, spread our blanket out and went to town. It was a delicious meal but we had to eat it fast. We had a 3 mile hike in front of us.
After our picnic we got Donnie out of the car. Now he was only 5 months old so he was still in the really little car seat. (I call them Pumpkin Seats. So if I say Pumpkin Seat you'll know what I'm talking about) I got the diaper bag, Seth got Donnie in the pumpkin seat and we started climbing up the cold, slippery, WET hill. Going DOWN that hill in a car had been easy. It was a hike straight UP the entire way. Seth and I took turns carrying Don in his pumpkin seat and finally we ended up with Seth holding one side and me holding the other. That kid weighed a ton! We walked and walked and walked and walked. I thought we'd never get out of that place. We couldn't call anyone either because of COURSE there was no cell service. After about an hour of walking we got to the main highway. There was a gas station just a little down the road. We walked to it and IT WAS CLOSED! At least we had cell service by this time so we called our good friend Jonathan Barker. He said he'd come get us as soon as he could. We sat outside that abandoned gas station for an hour. It started to get dark and really chilly. There's no where to go. We are miles from the nearest town. About .5 miles down the road I can see some lights twinkling. I asked Seth was it another gas station? He said "sure! Something like that." I suggested we walk to it. Don was well bundled but it was getting too cold for me (who had no jacket) and I really didn't like the baby out in damp, cold, night air.
We started our trek to the next gas station. There wasn't even a HOUSE to stop at. We were in the middle of no where! Seth and I were toting Don between us and a nice lady stopped and gave us a lift the rest of the way to the gas station where we would wait on JB. We get out of her van and walk into a dimly lit, smokey...WAIT A SEC! Seth took me to one of these on our honey moon! (Read Haywire Honeymoon...) I knew what this was! We were in a bar!!!!!!!!!! It was a very old, dingy place and there were only 3-4 people there. They were very nice and offered us some soda. I was so thirsty but I wasn't ABOUT to drink ANYthing in there. So, we sat in the bar for about 30 minutes. All of a sudden JB pulls up. His little truck wouldn't have fit all of us so he had brought the church van. We're sitting in this bar and JB pulls up right in front of the building. You can see plain as day BIBLE BAPTIST CHURCH written across the van. We got the strangest looks as we walked out that door. And Donnie had been to his first (and hopefully ONLY) bar.
Moral of the story. Picnic in the middle of town on concrete.
About our car at the time. Seth bought it for thirty dollars. That's not a typo. Yes, you can buy cars for $30. Grant it, they will leave huge plumes of smoke behind you as you go. That little car got great gas milage but oil milage was a little steep. Two quarts every gas fill-up. Ah...the good old days...
Anyway...
Seth and I have a favorite spot we love to hike in. It way far away from everything and has a beautiful stream. It's very wild and untamed. It's a nature reserve that Seth and I found just after we were married. It's about 45 minutes from Charlevoix. The last 3 miles to get into the reserve are accessible only by a 2-track.
So, Seth, Donnie and I set out to go have a family picnic. When we got to the beginning of the 2 track it looked pretty smooth. It didn't look like the snow from all winter had been too bad. So, we started down the windy path in our little smokey car. (Poor trees were choking...haha) The whole 2 track is down hill as you go into the reserve and the farther in you get the more narrow the road and the higher the ridges on either side of your car get. It got bumpier and bumpier. Our heads were slamming into the ceiling. Suddenly we rounded a sharp curve and there was nothing but a bank of snow and ice. We couldn't stop. We were going downhill and there's NO WAY to turn around. We plowed into the bank of snow and ice and somehow kept on going. For another quarter of a mile we "slippy slided" downhill, on the ice, surrounded by large earth banks on either side of our car. Donnie was a sweet baby and was very quiet. I was screaming bloody murder, silently in my heart of course. Seth was chalk white and hanging onto the steering wheel for dear life. Like the magic bus we finally went airborne and landed in the middle of a grassy field. The very one we had intended to go picnic in.
Seth and I got out of the car on wobbly legs and looked up the path we had just come. There were deep ruts where the snow had melted and trickled downhill. Every inch of that hill was covered in ice. There was NO WAY we were getting back up it in ol' smokey. Well, since we made it to where we had wanted to go in the first place we might as well enjoy our picnic. Donnie was peacefully sleeping so we left him in the car, spread our blanket out and went to town. It was a delicious meal but we had to eat it fast. We had a 3 mile hike in front of us.
After our picnic we got Donnie out of the car. Now he was only 5 months old so he was still in the really little car seat. (I call them Pumpkin Seats. So if I say Pumpkin Seat you'll know what I'm talking about) I got the diaper bag, Seth got Donnie in the pumpkin seat and we started climbing up the cold, slippery, WET hill. Going DOWN that hill in a car had been easy. It was a hike straight UP the entire way. Seth and I took turns carrying Don in his pumpkin seat and finally we ended up with Seth holding one side and me holding the other. That kid weighed a ton! We walked and walked and walked and walked. I thought we'd never get out of that place. We couldn't call anyone either because of COURSE there was no cell service. After about an hour of walking we got to the main highway. There was a gas station just a little down the road. We walked to it and IT WAS CLOSED! At least we had cell service by this time so we called our good friend Jonathan Barker. He said he'd come get us as soon as he could. We sat outside that abandoned gas station for an hour. It started to get dark and really chilly. There's no where to go. We are miles from the nearest town. About .5 miles down the road I can see some lights twinkling. I asked Seth was it another gas station? He said "sure! Something like that." I suggested we walk to it. Don was well bundled but it was getting too cold for me (who had no jacket) and I really didn't like the baby out in damp, cold, night air.
We started our trek to the next gas station. There wasn't even a HOUSE to stop at. We were in the middle of no where! Seth and I were toting Don between us and a nice lady stopped and gave us a lift the rest of the way to the gas station where we would wait on JB. We get out of her van and walk into a dimly lit, smokey...WAIT A SEC! Seth took me to one of these on our honey moon! (Read Haywire Honeymoon...) I knew what this was! We were in a bar!!!!!!!!!! It was a very old, dingy place and there were only 3-4 people there. They were very nice and offered us some soda. I was so thirsty but I wasn't ABOUT to drink ANYthing in there. So, we sat in the bar for about 30 minutes. All of a sudden JB pulls up. His little truck wouldn't have fit all of us so he had brought the church van. We're sitting in this bar and JB pulls up right in front of the building. You can see plain as day BIBLE BAPTIST CHURCH written across the van. We got the strangest looks as we walked out that door. And Donnie had been to his first (and hopefully ONLY) bar.
Moral of the story. Picnic in the middle of town on concrete.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Dog Tales
*NOTE! All names and places have been changed for privacy reasons but this is a TRUE story
Recently a girl was BEGGING her husband for a dog. For months the husband refused her. Finally one day he gave her guidelines. It can't shed, it can't bark, it must be housebroken, it must be small, AND it must be free. (Basically he wanted a gerbil.) So, this wife set out on her quest. She looked and looked and looked and looked....and looked. One golden day she found it! There was an ad so she went to check out this dog. One small problem. The ad didn't have a picture to go with it. Another small problem. This girl is never ever able to say "no." It's not in her vocabulary.
So, off into the blue yonder the girl rides to meet her perfect 4-legged friend. She gets to the house and meets the dog. It's so ugly it looks like an alien. It weighs about 4 lbs so it is small CHECK! It has these huge buggy eyes. Well, cute wasn't on the list was it? The dog is a cross breed so for the most part it looks like a little bat dog (without wings of course) but it also had some wire hair wini dog in it. So growing off of the little bat-face is a goatee that any Pharaoh would be jealous of but not only does it have a goatee it has a weird line of hair growing down his neck. It looked like a mohawk that belonged to a chemo patient. All the other requirements were met though! It was free, it was small, it didn't shed (unless you count a single mohawk hair every once in a while shedding) it didn't bark, it was supposed to be house broken and it was FREE. (Seriously, I think they would've paid that girl to take that dog. If it was a dog. She is now convinced it was a cross between a bat and a demon.)
The girl loaded the tiny, housebroken, non-barking, non-shedding, FREE, ugly, dog into her car and drove home. She was so ashamed of her newly acquired friend she left it in the car for about 30 min before she had the nerve to tell her husband she got it. They went out to the car together...and there it sat. Staring at them with it's buggy eyes bulging. It was so ugly that the gruff, dog hating husband took pity! He kinda liked the dog. So, into the house we went. That dog wouldn't come near the girl. He didn't like her at all. He liked the husband well enough and was gracious enough to allow the husband to pick it up. The girl asked the husband to take the bat-dog outside for a walk. She warned the husband not to let the doggie off the leash. Thirty minutes later the girl went looking for her husband. Hm, that's weird. No husband. Maybe little bat-dog finally sprouted his wings and carried the husband off? The girl went and got her telescope to search the skies. (haha, jk) Soon the husband burst into the doors. He was flushed and panting. Nope, guess the dog was still on 4 legs. The husband hadn't listened to the wife. He let the dog off and within seconds the little dog from Hades slipped through the fence. Poor husband had to look for that dog for hours. He never found it.
There is a new item on the gerbil/dog list. Come when called. And no breeds mixed with bat.
*NOTE. The previous owner was notified and they were able to find the little devil dog. The doggie is safe in sound in his old home.
Recently a girl was BEGGING her husband for a dog. For months the husband refused her. Finally one day he gave her guidelines. It can't shed, it can't bark, it must be housebroken, it must be small, AND it must be free. (Basically he wanted a gerbil.) So, this wife set out on her quest. She looked and looked and looked and looked....and looked. One golden day she found it! There was an ad so she went to check out this dog. One small problem. The ad didn't have a picture to go with it. Another small problem. This girl is never ever able to say "no." It's not in her vocabulary.
So, off into the blue yonder the girl rides to meet her perfect 4-legged friend. She gets to the house and meets the dog. It's so ugly it looks like an alien. It weighs about 4 lbs so it is small CHECK! It has these huge buggy eyes. Well, cute wasn't on the list was it? The dog is a cross breed so for the most part it looks like a little bat dog (without wings of course) but it also had some wire hair wini dog in it. So growing off of the little bat-face is a goatee that any Pharaoh would be jealous of but not only does it have a goatee it has a weird line of hair growing down his neck. It looked like a mohawk that belonged to a chemo patient. All the other requirements were met though! It was free, it was small, it didn't shed (unless you count a single mohawk hair every once in a while shedding) it didn't bark, it was supposed to be house broken and it was FREE. (Seriously, I think they would've paid that girl to take that dog. If it was a dog. She is now convinced it was a cross between a bat and a demon.)
The girl loaded the tiny, housebroken, non-barking, non-shedding, FREE, ugly, dog into her car and drove home. She was so ashamed of her newly acquired friend she left it in the car for about 30 min before she had the nerve to tell her husband she got it. They went out to the car together...and there it sat. Staring at them with it's buggy eyes bulging. It was so ugly that the gruff, dog hating husband took pity! He kinda liked the dog. So, into the house we went. That dog wouldn't come near the girl. He didn't like her at all. He liked the husband well enough and was gracious enough to allow the husband to pick it up. The girl asked the husband to take the bat-dog outside for a walk. She warned the husband not to let the doggie off the leash. Thirty minutes later the girl went looking for her husband. Hm, that's weird. No husband. Maybe little bat-dog finally sprouted his wings and carried the husband off? The girl went and got her telescope to search the skies. (haha, jk) Soon the husband burst into the doors. He was flushed and panting. Nope, guess the dog was still on 4 legs. The husband hadn't listened to the wife. He let the dog off and within seconds the little dog from Hades slipped through the fence. Poor husband had to look for that dog for hours. He never found it.
There is a new item on the gerbil/dog list. Come when called. And no breeds mixed with bat.
*NOTE. The previous owner was notified and they were able to find the little devil dog. The doggie is safe in sound in his old home.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Men know best
Today Seth and I went hiking. It was a beautiful day. It was in the 70's with a brisk, warm breeze blowing from the south. We followed a small stream for about 45 minutes. After about 20 minutes of hiking I gave up and just walked in the water. Seth was appalled that I was getting wet. He told me numerous times to get out of that cold stream! I told him I'd rather get my feet wet than ALL of me wet. Seth said that was silly, he wouldn't get wet. If you've ever followed a stream you know that you have to criss cross over it many times. Some sides are clear for a few feet and then there's too many fallen logs or brambles so you have to cross to the other side which is usually a bit clearer. Seth jumped the stream, he walked high above the stream on a ridge to avoid the fallen logs, he swung from vines and I plodded through the stream.
Finally, we HAD to cross. The side of the stream we were on was a wall straight up and it disappeared into the stream at the base. There weren't any good logs to cross on. Seth decided to cross by jumping. I was already on the other side cause I just walked thru. Seth backed up as much as possible and started to run towards the babbling brook. He uttered a cry that all southern boys in the Civil War would've been proud of. Seth's feet left the air, and gravity gave a yank. Seth flew three or four feet and I could see the look on his face as he realized he wasn't going to make the opposite bank. He landed in the middle of that stream. I was about 20 feet from him. I couldn't move out of the way fast enough. A tidal wave of mud and water hit me dead on. As soon as I cleared the dripping hair out of my eyes I looked, and there was my poor, pitiful husband standing knee deep in the stream. Water was dripping from his hair, eyelashes and ears. His entire body was soaked. We were laughing so hard we couldn't catch our breath. So much for not getting his FEET wet. (Glad you knew what was best, Honey. :)
Finally, we HAD to cross. The side of the stream we were on was a wall straight up and it disappeared into the stream at the base. There weren't any good logs to cross on. Seth decided to cross by jumping. I was already on the other side cause I just walked thru. Seth backed up as much as possible and started to run towards the babbling brook. He uttered a cry that all southern boys in the Civil War would've been proud of. Seth's feet left the air, and gravity gave a yank. Seth flew three or four feet and I could see the look on his face as he realized he wasn't going to make the opposite bank. He landed in the middle of that stream. I was about 20 feet from him. I couldn't move out of the way fast enough. A tidal wave of mud and water hit me dead on. As soon as I cleared the dripping hair out of my eyes I looked, and there was my poor, pitiful husband standing knee deep in the stream. Water was dripping from his hair, eyelashes and ears. His entire body was soaked. We were laughing so hard we couldn't catch our breath. So much for not getting his FEET wet. (Glad you knew what was best, Honey. :)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Bitten by Love
I LOVE Andes mints! They are the best mints in the world. After lunch today I gave one to Seth and then I ate one. About five minutes after we had finished our mints Seth was relaxing in his easy chair. I thought I'd sit with him a minute and when I smelled his minty breath I wanted a kiss. *heart*
It was a really good kiss...everything in the world was drowned out. (You know how that goes)
Right in the middle of it Seth hollered! I jumped 6 miles and Seth was staring in shock at Donnie who was standing at the arm of the chair. "He bit me!" I looked down at Seth's arms and there were little teeth marks turning purple.
I started to laugh! Donnie had seen us kissing and thought he'd join in!! Next time I'll put him down for a nap first.
It was a really good kiss...everything in the world was drowned out. (You know how that goes)
Right in the middle of it Seth hollered! I jumped 6 miles and Seth was staring in shock at Donnie who was standing at the arm of the chair. "He bit me!" I looked down at Seth's arms and there were little teeth marks turning purple.
I started to laugh! Donnie had seen us kissing and thought he'd join in!! Next time I'll put him down for a nap first.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Changling
My 7 year old brother is forever breaking things. My parents have tried every trick in the book to cure him of his tragic habit but to no avail. Finally Mom and Dad had the bright idea of MONEY! (Money talks in every language to every age...)
Every time Jo breaks something he has to empty his piggy bank into dad's piggy bank. I had forgotten this new rule until one day when I got home and saw that Jo was moping around the house. I asked why was he so sad?
He said:
"I had to DOWNLOAD all of my change into dad's piggy bank again today."
Every time Jo breaks something he has to empty his piggy bank into dad's piggy bank. I had forgotten this new rule until one day when I got home and saw that Jo was moping around the house. I asked why was he so sad?
He said:
"I had to DOWNLOAD all of my change into dad's piggy bank again today."
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Correction of Haywire Honeymoon
Just for public record Seth HAD been to to Ellis Island. He'd never been to DC. I forgot that he's been to one but not the other. =D
Love,
Sarah
Love,
Sarah
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